Sportsbook Scams

In the competitive world of offshore gambling, scams seem to appear as often as Star Jones at the local donut shop. However, with a few precautions, you can avoid getting ripped off.

Insane Bonuses

There's a rule I keep when meeting women abroad. If it seems like it was maybe a little too easy to get her to come home with you, then she's probably a hooker. The same applies to sportsbook bonuses. And just like the chance of getting laid, sometimes a huge bonus can be too tempting to pass up. So, you might ask, what's a good rule of thumb to use when gauging bonuses? To that I say, what would Donald Trump do?

The point being that all businessmen, whether they're real estate tycoons or internet gambling managers, are money hungry whores. Bonuses, as you know, are merely ways for sites to compete and eventually make more money. Think about it. The gambling business is based on juice, which is 10% for the standard wager. Therefore, most legitimate sites will give you at most 20%, which comes to two juice-free bets. Anything more than that, the sportsbook is basically working for free. Would Donald Trump work for free?

Underfunded

Some sportsbooks just don't have the capital to pay out their players. Underfunding causes slow payouts, bounced checks and bad business. Imagine going to the local taco shop, paying for a five dollar combo with a twenty and having to wait for the next customer to pay just to get your change. Then you find yourself with cold tacos and stale shells. Nobody likes stale tacos.

Telemarketers

First of all, if you hate cold callers as much as the next guy, this alone is enough to cease using a sportsbook altogether. It's not as if there are no alternatives. I mean, if you had to choose between Coke and Pepsi and one of them called you incessantly in the wee hours of the night, which would you choose?

Secondly, phone offers are not in writing. Which lets me use the cliche, "they're not worth the paper they're written on." This is in direct contrast to Puffy's "Vote or Die" slogan, which was clearly written down on a T-shirt as part of his new Sean Jean murder line. Needless to say, as someone who didn't vote, I fear for my life.

Research

The best way to avoid scam sportsbooks is to do the research. Imagine the sportsbook is a suspicious man asking out your only daughter. Put on your best Al Pacino "screw me and I'll kill you cock-a-roach" face, then call the phone numbers, get addresses and check the message boards for any disparaging comments. You can also check review sites, but be careful, because many of them are partners with particular sportsbooks. If a review site bashes one sportsbook and constantly refers you to its "recommended" sites, then it may be in bed with them. It's crazy, isn't it? Without proper regulation, the internet gambling business is really like a mafia movie. You don't know who to trust. So do the research. Cock-a-roach.